“How do you get domestic harmony in your home?”
“By playing second fiddle.”
“Al sure acts hard-boiled lately.”
“Well, he ought to be – that boss of his has kept him in hot water for two months.”
Strictly as Represented
“I demand a refund on this suit of clothes, I’ve only worn it a month and already it looks rusty.”
“Well, didn’t we guarantee that it would wear like iron?”
“What’s your favorite dish?”
“One that’s full of food.”
A Meaty Question
“Why do you always flirt with waitresses?”
“I’m playing for big steaks.”
A teacher was discussing natural history.
“Now, who can tell me where the home of the swallow is?”
“The home of the swallow is in the stomach,” came the answer from the rear of the class.
“Is it true?” the youngster asked his father, “that it’s necessary to work hard in order to succeed in life?”
“Yes, my boy. The minute a man begins to shrink from work, it’s a good sign that he’s almost washed up.”
“Is he as big a crook as the newspapers say he is?”
“Aye, he runs true to type!”
A Policy for a Need
“Hello,” she said over the telephone. “Is this the Fidelity Insurance company?”
“Well, I want my boy friend’s fidelity insured.”
She came into the photography shop with a small snapshot, adding, “Can I get this enlarged?”
“Certainly. Would you like to have it mounted?” asked the clerk.
“Oh, that would be wonderful,” replied the girl. “He’ll certainly look swell on a horse.”
Fast and Efficient
“Now,” said the teacher to his business training class, “just how would you close your bookkeeping books for the night?”
“Oh, that’s easy,” came the voice form the rear, closely followed by the bang of a closing book.
A Soft Answer Turneth away Wrath
Mary was visiting with her mother. The stay was long and Mary became restless.
“Mother –,” she said.
“Mary,” rebuked her mother, “it’s rude to interrupt while I’m speaking; you should wait until I finish.”
“But,” said the child, “you don’t finish.”
“He thinks that he’s changed a lot, but he hasn’t.”
“Well, he’s always talking about what a perfect fool he used to be.”
Upside Down Cake?
“Why do you eat your dessert first?”
“My stomach’s upset.”
“How did Brown ever get ahead so fast in business?”
“Well, every time someone threw a brickbat at him he made a stepping stone from it.”
Cause for Effect
“I’m a self-made man,” he boasted.
“It appears that you were out on strike most of the time.”
The insurance agent had called and had explained the benefits of a policy.
“But, supposing I take a policy on my husband today, and he should die tomorrow, what would I get?”