Keepapitchinin, the Mormon History blog » Funny Bones, 1913 (9)

Funny Bones, 1913 (9)

By: Ardis E. Parshall - September 21, 2013

Les – “You may spurn me, cruel one; but, remember, I shall not always be a clerk for Dad at $9 a week.”

Veda – “No. That’s just it; you may lose your job any time.”


It is easy enough to be pleasant
When your automobile is in trim.
But the man worthwhile
Is the man who can smile
When he has to go home on the rim.


Last summer Beckstrand took one of his city school friends for a visit down on the farm. One day they were walking in the fields together, when all at once his friend exclaimed: “Beck! Do you buy chewing gum for all those cows?”


Little Brother: “Do you know what I think?”

Amy Howe: “No, what is it?”

Little Brother: “I think if I were not in the room Frank would kiss you.”

Amy: “You impudent boy! Leave the room instantly.”


The Donkey’s Ears

By Emilie Poulsson



Whenever a drive with the donkey I take,
I see the big V that his slanting ears make,
And words that begin with a V come to mind,
Describing his conduct, no matter what kind.



If Barney is sulky and stubborn and slow,
Goes poking along or refuses to go,
Or if he is frisky and capers and kicks,
Or upsets the cart, or does other bad tricks,
I say ‘tis no wonder he wears a big V,
So Vexing and Vicious a Villain is he!



But when the dear fellow, so pretty and strong,
In meek or gay humor trots nimbly along,
The V seems to stand for the Virtues he shows,
The Vim and Velocity with which he goes –
Our Veteran donkey, more Valued each year –
The Vigorous, Valiant, Vivacious old dear!


Sing a song of Christmas,
Pocket full of bills,
Four and twenty relatives,
Janes, and Johns, and Bills.
When the thing is over
The creditors will sing:
“Isn’t that a pretty mess
To set before a king?”


Beth Keat: “Oh, this has been a wonderful day.”

Della: “Why so?”

Beth: “My sixteenth birthday! I’ve had my first kiss from Frank and my last box on the ears from mamma.”


“The engineers find Gatun Dam safe,” read Mr. Jones from his newspaper headlines to grandma, knitting at the other side of the table.

“Well,” she said, looking up over her glasses in pained surprise. “I don’t know anything about the safety of Gatun, but I think a family newspaper oughtn’t to use such language in print.”


The bee is like a man. All up
And down the world he beats it;
He gathers honey all his life –
Some other fellow eats it.

A Backslider

A minister’s little girl and her playmate were talking about serious things. “Do you know what a backslider is?” she questioned.

“Yes; it’s a person that used to be a faithful Christian and isn’t,” said the playmate promptly.

“But why do you s’pose they call them backsliders?”

“Oh, that’s easy. You see, when people are good, they go to church and sit up in front. When they get a little tired of being good, they slide back a seat, and keep on sliding till they get clear back to the door. After a while they slide clear out, and never come to church at all.”


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