Keepapitchinin, the Mormon History blog » Funny Bones, 1958
 


Funny Bones, 1958

By: Ardis E. Parshall - January 12, 2013

“I wouldn’t worry too much if your son makes mud pies,” said the psychiatrist, “nor even if he tries to eat them. That’s quite normal.”

“Well, I don’t think it is,” replied the woman, “and neither does his wife.”

-oOo-

Doctor: “Were you hurt while you were on the football team?”

Al: “No, sir, while the football team was on me.”

-oOo-

Oscar: “You seem very fond of your dog.”

Paul: “I am. he just chewed up my dad’s slippers that I get spanked with.”

-oOo-

.

.

-oOo-

Teacher: “We will have only half a day of school this morning.”

Class: “Hurrah!”

Teacher: “We’ll have the other half this afternoon.”

-oOo-

“We had company for lunch.”

“Taste good?”

-oOo-

A Duck Makes Me Laugh

By Nona Keen Duffy

I think that a duck,
As he waddles around,
Is peculiar enough
When he stays on the ground.

And he’s funny to watch
When he goes for a swim,
But when he dives under
I laugh at him!

Does he know how odd
He looks, I wonder,
With his bottom half up,
And his top half under?

-oOo-

Waiter: “How did you find the steak, sir?”

Diner: “Just by accident. I moved a couple of peas and there it was.”

-oOo-

“Oh, I know what it is,” said little Eve pointing to a bull sleeping under a tree.

“What?”

“It’s a bulldozer.”

-oOo-

“I’m in a tough spot,” the small boy told his mother sadly. “The teacher says I must write more legibly and if I do she’ll find out that I can’t spell.”

-oOo-

The teacher asked the class how Noah spent his spare time while on the ark.

“Fishing,” said harry.

“Fine chance of that,” replied Irving, “with only two worms.”

-oOo-

Teacher:” If one and one makes two, and two and two makes four, how much does four and four make?”

Dan: “That’s not fair, teacher, you answer all the easy questions yourself and leave the hard ones for me.”

-oOo-

Square meals make round people.

-oOo-

A special type of car is on the market for the road hog. It is made of pig iron.

-oOo-

A five-year-old boy in a candy store was in tears. “What’s the matter, Sonny?” the proprietor asked.

“I had a quarter, but I lost it here somewhere.”

Welling over with sympathy, the storekeeper handed the boy a popsicle. “Here,” he consoled, “you can have this one free.”

The youngster brightened a bit, but tears still fell. “What about my change?”

-oOo-

It happened on a quiz program when a soldier took his place before the microphone.

“Here’s your question,” said the master of ceremonies. “How many successful jumps must a paratrooper make before he graduates?”

The soldier thought a moment, then said, “All of them.”

-oOo-

A draftee was awakened by his platoon sergeant after the rookie’s first night in an army barracks.

“It’s four-thirty!” bellowed the sergeant.

“Four thirty!” gasped the rookie. “Man, you’d better go to bed. We got a big day tomorrow!”

-oOo-

The manager of a small town telephone exchange told a middle-aged farmer: “With those two teenage daughters you have, we ought to double your telephone rate.”

“On the contrary,” the farmer replied, “you oughtn’t to charge me anything, since I never get to use the phone.”



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