“I wouldn’t worry too much if your son makes mud pies,” said the psychiatrist, “nor even if he tries to eat them. That’s quite normal.”
“Well, I don’t think it is,” replied the woman, “and neither does his wife.”
Doctor: “Were you hurt while you were on the football team?”
Al: “No, sir, while the football team was on me.”
Oscar: “You seem very fond of your dog.”
Paul: “I am. he just chewed up my dad’s slippers that I get spanked with.”
Teacher: “We will have only half a day of school this morning.”
Teacher: “We’ll have the other half this afternoon.”
“We had company for lunch.”
A Duck Makes Me Laugh
By Nona Keen Duffy
I think that a duck,
As he waddles around,
Is peculiar enough
When he stays on the ground.
And he’s funny to watch
When he goes for a swim,
But when he dives under
I laugh at him!
Does he know how odd
He looks, I wonder,
With his bottom half up,
And his top half under?
Waiter: “How did you find the steak, sir?”
Diner: “Just by accident. I moved a couple of peas and there it was.”
“Oh, I know what it is,” said little Eve pointing to a bull sleeping under a tree.
“It’s a bulldozer.”
“I’m in a tough spot,” the small boy told his mother sadly. “The teacher says I must write more legibly and if I do she’ll find out that I can’t spell.”
The teacher asked the class how Noah spent his spare time while on the ark.
“Fishing,” said harry.
“Fine chance of that,” replied Irving, “with only two worms.”
Teacher:” If one and one makes two, and two and two makes four, how much does four and four make?”
Dan: “That’s not fair, teacher, you answer all the easy questions yourself and leave the hard ones for me.”
Square meals make round people.
A special type of car is on the market for the road hog. It is made of pig iron.
A five-year-old boy in a candy store was in tears. “What’s the matter, Sonny?” the proprietor asked.
“I had a quarter, but I lost it here somewhere.”
Welling over with sympathy, the storekeeper handed the boy a popsicle. “Here,” he consoled, “you can have this one free.”
The youngster brightened a bit, but tears still fell. “What about my change?”
It happened on a quiz program when a soldier took his place before the microphone.
“Here’s your question,” said the master of ceremonies. “How many successful jumps must a paratrooper make before he graduates?”
The soldier thought a moment, then said, “All of them.”
A draftee was awakened by his platoon sergeant after the rookie’s first night in an army barracks.
“It’s four-thirty!” bellowed the sergeant.
“Four thirty!” gasped the rookie. “Man, you’d better go to bed. We got a big day tomorrow!”
The manager of a small town telephone exchange told a middle-aged farmer: “With those two teenage daughters you have, we ought to double your telephone rate.”
“On the contrary,” the farmer replied, “you oughtn’t to charge me anything, since I never get to use the phone.”