Keepapitchinin, the Mormon History blog » Funny Bones, 1928 (6)
 


Funny Bones, 1928 (6)

By: Ardis E. Parshall - February 25, 2012

Can Always “Go Straight”

John: “A street car can do one thing a man can’t.”

Charlie: “What’s that?”

John: “The street car can always go straight, no matter how full it is.”

Not on the Scotch

Cohn: “I see Goldbaum had a terrible fire last night.”

Greenblatt: “Vel, he’s a nice fellow; he deserves it.”

Another Tax

Orator: “And now, gentlemen, I wish to tax your memory.”

Member of the audience: “Good Heavens, has it come to that?”

Handicapped

Teacher; “Now, Robert, what is a niche in church?”

Bobby: “Why, it’s the same as an itch any place else, only you can’t scratch it.”

A Miraculous Cleaner

Lady of House – “Will that cleaning fluid really make things very clean?”

Salesman: “Say, lady, I rubbed some of it on a copy of Smutty Stories and it turned into the Ladies’ Home Journal.”

Those Children

“When I was your age,” said the irate father to his six-year-old son, “I was glad to get dry bread to eat.”

“You’re much better off now you’re living with us, aren’t you, Daddie?” replied the son.

Nag Power vs. H.P.

“I hope,” said one wife to another, “that you don’t nag your husband.”

“Only when he is beating the carpets,” said the second one. “When he is thoroughly irritated he makes a much better job of it.”

A Boomerang

“I don’t have any more confidence in women,”

“Why not?”

“I put a matrimonial advertisement in the paper and one of the replies was from my fiancee.”

There’s a Limit

Better Half – “I was reading where a man in Chicago traded his wife for a horse. You wouldn’t do that with me would you, dear?”

Lesser Half – “Of course not. but I’d hate to have anyone tempt me with one of those new Chevrolets.”

A Rummage Sale

Minister – “I wish to announce that on Wednesday evening the Ladies’ Aid will have a rummage sale. This is a chance for all the ladies of the congregation to get rid of anything that is not worth keeping but is too good to be thrown away. Don’t forget to bring your husbands.”

Notice to Baptizers

Notice clipped from a Kansas newspaper: “Positively no more baptizing in my pasture. Twice in the past two months my gate has been left open by Christian people, and I can’t afford to chase cattle all over the country just to save a few sinners.”

A Difference

Ma: “Jerry, haven’t I told you never to play with that tough Tommy Jones?”

Jerry: “But we wasn’t playin’, ma, we was fightin’.”

How Two Great Characters Differ

“What’s the difference between Lindbergh and the patriarch Job?”

“That’s easy; both had patience.”

“No, no. Lindbergh is a manly boy and Job was a boily man.”

Suppressed

Mrs. Jhones: “Yes, John, as I was saying, Miss Blank has no manners. Why, while I was talking to her this morning, she yawned eleven times.”

Old Jhones: “Perhaps, my dear, she wasn’t yawning – she might have wanted to say something.”

Another

“What’s the difference between a fiddler and a violinist?”

“A haircut.”

Oh, Lady!

Artist: “My father offered me $2,000 not to become an artist.”

Fair Visitor: “And what did you do with the money?”

A Paradox

Frosh: “I know a man who says he can’t sit down and he can’t stand up.”

Junior: “Well, if he tells the truth, he lies.”

Following the Custom

Dentist – “I’m sorry, lady; I just tore off a piece of your gum.”

Patient – “Oh, that’s all right. Just stick it under the chair and I’ll get it as I leave.”

A Tell-tale Telling

Ethyl – “Hazel told me that you told her that secret I told you not to tell her.”

Methyl – “She’s a mean thing! I told her not to tell you.”

Ethyl – “Well, I told her I wouldn’t tell you she told me, so don’t tell her I did.”

English – As She Is Spoke

“Hello. Thatchu, Mike?”

“Sure! S’Mac, ain’t it?”

“Betcherlife. Whenja get back?”

“Lilwilago. Javagood trip?”

“Uh, huh.”

“Wereju go, Mike?”

“Mishgun. Werjoo?”

“Sconsin. Javanyluck?”

“Uh huh. Whenreyuh comin’ over?”

“Safternoon.”

“S’long.”

“Well, s’long.”

It’s the Upkeep

“Since I bought a car I don’t have to walk to the bank to make any deposits.”

“Ah, you ride there?”

“No, I don’t make any.”

A Sedative

Doctor: “Your husband must have absolute quiet. Here is a sleeping draught.

Wife: “And when do I give it to him?

Doctor: “You don’t give it to him – you take it yourself.”

Had One Good Quality

Wife: “When you proposed to me you said you were not worthy of me.”

Husband: “Well, what of that?”

Wife: “Nothing; only I will say for you that whatever else you were, you were no liar.”



4 Comments »

  1. I hope I’m not the only Funny Bones fan. I not only find many of these genuinely funny, but they’re always somewhat anthropologically interesting…

    Comment by Mina — February 25, 2012 @ 1:21 pm

  2. Isn’t that the truth?! I’m finally daring to include some that I weeded out of the first postings. I now feel confident that more people will recognize their “anthropological” value and not read them entirely with 21st century eyes.

    Comment by Ardis E. Parshall — February 25, 2012 @ 1:32 pm

  3. I use videos of “All in the Family” in my history lessons. These serve the same purpose. Who says history has to be boring?

    Comment by Carol — February 25, 2012 @ 4:45 pm

  4. I loved “A Rummage Sale.” Actually, there were a lot of good jokes.

    Comment by Maurine Ward — February 25, 2012 @ 10:31 pm

Leave a comment

RSS feed for comments on this post.
TrackBack URI