Keepapitchinin, the Mormon History blog » Funny Bones, 1924 (3)
 


Funny Bones, 1924 (3)

By: Ardis E. Parshall - October 29, 2011

Not Satisfied

Waiter: “I hope you were satisfied with your dinner, sir.”

Diner: “Absolutely not. Everything was cold except the ice cream.”

Wake Up, Baby!

Soph: “Why does a stork stand on one foot?”

Fresh: “I’ll bite, why does he?”

Soph: “If he’d lift the other foot, he’d fall down.”


All of Her

Visitor: “And you are the little girl who was born in Africa?”

Little Molly: “Yes.”

Visitor: “Oh, and what part?”

Little Molly: “Why, all of me.”

Louder but Lower

A banker at Weeping Water, Nebraska, was asked by an impecunious farmer for a loan. The banker was one of those people who are deaf for commercial purposes. The farmer was chronically wanting to borrow, and his security was getting shaky.

“I’d like to borrow five thousand,” pleaded the farmer.

The banker cupped his hand behind his lame ear and said:

“Speak a little louder and cut down the amount.”

Misunderstood

Emanuel Jackson, mule tender, appeared one morning on crutches. “Lawsy!” exclaimed a friend. “Ah thought yo’ was one o’ de bes’ mule han’lers in de business.”

“So Ah is,” affirmed Emanuel proudly, “but we done got a mule in dis mor’nin’ dat didn’t know mah reppitation.”

Easy When You Know

They were sitting on the piazza of a summer hotel swapping stories. “Ever hear this one,” asked the dark young man. “A dog was tied to a rope 14 feet long. Twenty feet away was a fat, juicy bone. How did the dog get to the bone?”

“Oh, that’s an old gag,” said his companion. “You want me to say ‘I give it up,’ and then you’ll say ‘That’s what the other cur did.’”

“No, you’re wrong, for the dog got the bone.”

“Well, how did he get it?”

“Why, the other end of the rope was not tied.”

Misunderstood

Plumber: “I’ve come to fix that old tub in the kitchen.”

Johnny: “Oh, mama, here’s the doctor to see the cook.”

Oh, Cousin!

Cockney Visitor: “What’s that awful noise outside?”

Country Host: “Why, that’s an owl.”

Cockney Visitor: “I know it’s an ‘owl. But oo’s ‘owling?”

Just Enough

The Norse handmaiden said to her mistress: “Ay vent to das movie last night.” (Note the careful preservation of the dialect.)

The lady of the house inquired: “Scaramouche?” And the girls aid, “No, not ver’ mooch.”

Obvious

Freddie – “Say, dad, why are there no marriages in heaven?”

Henpecked – “Because it’s heaven.”

Out of the Mouth of Babies

Mother – “Johnny, what do you mean by feeding the baby with yeast?”

Johnny – “She’s swallowed my nickle, and I’m trying to raise the dough!”

Starting the Family Towel

Young Bobbie, descending from the bath to the parlor by short-line route – “Hey, ma; is it all right for me to start that clean towel you put in the bathroom?”

Mismated

Mistress – “So your matrimonial life was very unhappy. What was the trouble? December wedded to May?”

Chloe Johnson – “Lan’ sake, no, mam! It was Labor day wedded to de Day of Rest.”

Put Salt on Their Tails

Coca – “Have you read ‘To a Field Mouse’?”

Cola – “No, how do you get ‘em to listen?”

Just Habit

“I took that pretty girl from the store home the other night and stole a kiss.”

“What did she say?”

“Will that be all?”

Obeyed Traffic Rules

Mr. Bottomly (to tardy student) – “Why are you late?”

Tardy Student – “Well, a sign down here – ”

“Well, what has a sign got to do with it?”

“The sign said: ‘School Ahead: Go Slow.’”

Insecticide

“Come on,” said the first flea as he hopped from the brown bear’s left foreleg, “come over and join me at a short game of golf.”

“Golf!” exclaimed the second flea, hastily taking a bite of hyena, “where in the realm of Barnum are we going to play golf?”

“Why,” said the first flea, “over on the lynx, of course.”

A Reminder

Husband (as wife shifts gears) – “That reminds me. I must stop at the boiler factory on the way home.”

Two Springs

“My daughter sprang from a line of peers,” said the ardent father.

“Well,” said her feller, “I jumped off a dock once myself.”

Delayed Wires

“I have found a way of making a Scotchman happy in his old age.”

“How would you do it?”

“Tell him jokes when he is young.”

A Difference

“Did the speaker electrify his audience?”

“No, he merely gassed it.”

Dangerous *

John: “Are you going to hang up your stocking next Christmas, Jack?”

Jack: “I don’t know, John. I hung it up last Christmas, but all I got was a notice from the Board of Health.”

* heavily edited



5 Comments »

  1. Did you heavily edit or did they?

    Comment by Matt W. — October 29, 2011 @ 6:55 am

  2. Delayed Wires made me laugh out loud. There wasa not very funny family joke I have been regularly telling my kids since they were very young. Just last year my 13 year old son turned to me after hearing the same joke again and laughed saying “I finally get it”

    Comment by Bruce Crow — October 29, 2011 @ 8:00 am

  3. I edited, Matt. I thought it was a funny joke, as these things go, but there was no reason for it to be an ethnic joke (the humor didn’t depend on ethnic stereotype), and especially no need to use offensive names. Some of the ethnic jokes are iffy as it is; this one really was unusable in the original form.

    So there is truth in these things sometimes, eh, Bruce? Funny!

    Comment by Ardis E. Parshall — October 29, 2011 @ 8:14 am

  4. I have to say I enjoyed the religious irony of “obvious”.

    Comment by Matt W. — October 29, 2011 @ 8:45 am

  5. What arrested my attention was the joke telling pair: Coca and Cola!

    Comment by Coffinberry — October 29, 2011 @ 11:31 pm

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