Keepapitchinin, the Mormon History blog » Funny Bones, 1910 (4)
 


Funny Bones, 1910 (4)

By: Ardis E. Parshall - September 17, 2011

Unanswered Prayers

Ethel, aged three, had been to visit her cousins, two fun-loving and romping boys, ever in mischief and ever bright. The little girl climbed on her father’s knee, and was telling him of her visit and its exploits. “Papa, every night John and George say their prayers they ask God to make them good boys,” said she. “That is nice,” said papa. Then, thinking soberly for a few minutes, the little one added, “He ain’t done it yet.”


Her Idea of the Backbone

When asked by her teacher to describe the backbone a little schoolgirl said:

“The backbone is something that holds up the head and ribs and keeps one from having legs clear up to the neck.”

He Wanted to Know the Worst

A miner who was suffering with dyspepsia one day consulted a doctor and took his prescription to a druggist to be made up.

“Well, how much?” said the miner, when the prescription was finished.

“Let’s see,” said the druggist. “It’s a dollar-ten for the medicine, and fifteen cents for the bottle. That makes – ”

He hesitated, afraid he might have forgotten something, and the miner said impatiently:

“Well, hurry up, boss. Put a price on the cork and let us know the worst.”

—oooOooo—

“Say, Pat, phwat is dis ting dey call a chafin dish?” asked Tim.

“Why, man, don’t ye know? It’s a frying pan dat’s got into society.”

—oooOooo—

Little Boy: “Father, don’t the Bible say there will not be another flood?”

Father: “Yes, sir, it does.”

Little Boy: “How can that be when there is to be a thousand years reign?”

A Law-Abiding Citizen

Mr. Roach: “Thinking of taking this cottage, Mr. Mouse?”

Mr. Mouse: “No, siree! It doesn’t comply with the law requiring that a door must swing outward.”

Missionary Wood

A little girl who had heard her father, a returned missionary, speak glowingly of the elders, inquired: “Papa, where do they get Missionary Wood?” When asked what she meant by “Missionary Wood,” she replied, “Why, Elder.”

Diffidence

Her Father (irately): “Young man, do you know that you’ve been calling on my daughter since seven o’clock?”

The Tarrying Youth: “Yes, sir. But she has been sitting on my hat for the last three hours and I didn’t want to tell her.”

Her Father: “Then, hereafter, don’t keep your hat on your lap. Hang it on the rack in the hall.”

—oooOooo—

Mr. Brown made his little boy a present of two bantam hens and other fowl.

The eggs of the bantam were so small compared with the others that Tommy hit upon a bright idea.

He hung an ostrich egg inside the fowl-house, and to it was attached a card bearing the words:

“Keep your eye on this, and do your best.”

—oooOooo—

she – “Did you ever have an engagement in a church choir?”

He – “Well, we don’t call ‘em engagements; we call ‘em fights!”

—oooOooo—

“I’ll wager that cat sent this valentine. I don’t think it’s a bit funny.”

—oooOooo—

A teacher in a big elementary school had given a lesson in an infants’ class on the Ten Commandments. In order to test their memories, she asked, “Can any little child give me a commandment with only four words in it?” a hand was raised immediately. “Well?” said the teacher. “Keep off the grass,” was the reply.

—oooOooo—

“Now, Willie, you know I told you not to go in swimming, and yet you have been in the water this very day.”

“I know, ma, but Satan tempted me.”

“Why didn’t you tell Satan to get behind you?”

“I did, and he kicked me in.”

—oooOooo—

A year ago a manufacturer hired a boy. For months there was nothing noticeable about the boy except that he never took his eyes off the machine he was running. A few weeks ago the manufacturer looked up from his work to see the boy standing beside his desk.

“What do you want?” he asked.

“Want me pay raised.”

“What are you getting?”

“T’ree dollars a week.”

“Well, how much do you think you are worth?”

“Four dollars.”

“You think so, do you?”

“Yes, sir, an’ I’ve been t’inkin’ so for t’ree weeks, but I’ve been so blamed busy I ain’t had time to speak about it.”

The boy got the raise.

—oooOooo—

Archie, who had never seen gas jets, had been away on a little visit. “And were you careful about going near the lamps?” asked his mother.

“They don’t have lamps,” replied the little follow; “they just light the end of the towel rack.”

—oooOooo—

Curious Charley – “Do nuts grow on trees, father?”

Father – “They do, my son.”

Cur8ious Charley – “Then what trees does the doughnut grow on?”

Father – “The pantry, my son.”

—oooOooo—

“I want some cloth to make my dolly a dress,” announced a little girl of seven, as she entered a store the other day.

“How much is it?” she asked when the merchant handed her the package.

“Just one kiss,” was the reply.

“All right,” she said; “Grandma said she would pay you when she came in tomorrow.”

—oooOooo—

“What’s that boy yelling at?” asked the farmer of his son.

“Why,” chuckled the boy, “he’s just yelling at the top of his voice.”



3 Comments »

  1. Just one kiss! I love it.

    Comment by Carol — September 17, 2011 @ 10:21 am

  2. Heh, heh!

    Comment by Ardis E. Parshall — September 17, 2011 @ 10:33 am

  3. It’s the best one, Carol.

    Comment by Maurine Ward — September 17, 2011 @ 6:32 pm

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