Keepapitchinin, the Mormon History blog » Funny Bones, 1922 (2)

Funny Bones, 1922 (2)

By: Ardis E. Parshall - August 27, 2011

Corny stuff from the old church magazines —

Every Ward Knows It

“Pa, what is the longest word in the language?” asked Clarence.

“It is the word a public speaker uses when he says, ‘Just one word more and I will close,’” replied Pa.

A Dangerous Practice

Harriet – “Some terrible things can be caught from kissing.”

Frances – “Yes; you ought to see the poor worm my sister caught!”

Oh, Lulu!

Billy – “Shall I have to give up my club when we are married, love?”

Lulu – “Oh, I’ll have a little club at home for you, dear.”

A Little Grammar

“Is pants plural or singular?”

“If a man wears ‘em it’s plural.”

“Well, if he doesn’t?”

“It’s singular.”

What Every Man Does

“Here’s a firm advertising shirts without buttons,” said his wife.

“Nothing new about that,” replied her husband. “I’ve been wearing them for years.”

In the Way

Girl – “You would be a good dancer if it were not for two things.”

Awkward Boy – “What are they?”

Girl – “Your feet.”

The Reason

Mother (reprovingly) – “When I was young, girls never thought of doing the things they do today.”

Daughter – “Well, that’s why they didn’t do them.”

In Full Agreement

Motorist – “I have not paid a cent for repairs on that machine during all the 10 months that I’ve had it.”

Prospective Buyer – “So the man who repaired it told me.”

Liked the Movement

Teddy – “What time does the tide come in, Mr. Fisherman?”

“Why, you young rascal, I’ve told you four times already. At 5:55.”

Teddy – “Yes, I know; but I like to see your whiskers wobble when you say ‘5:55.’”

A Terrible Loss

Two office boys met outside the palatial offices of a firm that was reputed to be worth millions and which employed over two thousand people.

Said the first boy: “Hello, Dick! Wotcher lookin’ at the office wot fired you last week for? Are yer tryin’ to get took back?”

His friend sniffed. “Naw!” he said. “I just dropped ‘round to see if they woz still in bizness.”

Getting Even

“But, Bertha, how did you make the acquaintance of your second husband?”

“It was quite romantic. I was out walking with my first, when my second came along in an automobile and ran him down. That was the beginning of our friendship.”

Silent Partner

“Don’t you miss your husband very much now that he is a traveling man?”

“Oh, no! At breakfast I just stand a newspaper up in front of a plate and half the time I forget he isn’t there.”

Mistaken Identity

Neighbor Jim – “Your son just threw a stone at me.”

Neighbor Joe – “Did he hit you?”

Neighbor Jim – “No.”

Neighbor Joe – “Well, then he wasn’t my boy.”

Sporting News

“Are you fond of indoor sports, Miss Mabel?”

“Yes. If they know when to go home!”

A Few Years Hence

President – “Where’s the army?”

Secretary of War – “He’s gone out rowing in the navy.”


“What is it that keeps the moon in place and prevents it from falling?” asked Jim.

“I suppose it’s the beams,” replied his brother.


“Is soup a good food?”

“Soup isn’t a food, it’s a language.”

Earning Interest

“Where’s the capital of the United States?”

“In Europe.”

Ready for Examination

“Yes, he is a prominent man in college.”

“What’s his official capacity?”

“Oh, several quarts.”


Browne – “Her teeth are like the stars in the heavens.”

Greene – “Why?”

Browne – “They come out every night.”



  1. “Getting Even” is my favorite part. Not the joke so much as the title.

    Comment by Carol — August 27, 2011 @ 9:08 am

  2. Very often the titles are their own jokes, aren’t they, Carol? I like the title of the first one — it adds a little Mormon flavor to jokes culled from other sources.

    Comment by Ardis E. Parshall — August 27, 2011 @ 9:10 am

  3. I haven’t commented on these posts for a while, but I just loved “Silent Partner” and “Mistaken Identity”.

    Thanks for all of these, Ardis.

    Comment by Ray — August 27, 2011 @ 1:43 pm

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