well, I know a few divorced women who won’t date divorced men (often, it’s understandable – a divorced man makes them think of their ex, who is also a divorced man).

I am dating a divorced woman right now, one with several kids. So not all of us single men avoid divorced women.

But every situation is different – we all view things through our own experience. I may be somewhat blinded by how my home ward basically just got really awkward whenever I was around, but my ex’s new ward rallied to her and make my life uncomfortable whenever I happen to visit.

First, re #27, “Do we need to have lessons like this?” Yes, we need the lessons. “Like this” depends on how they’re given.

“Do they help anybody?” Yes, divorce needs to be a topic that can be talked about openly, not relegated to whispers and rumors.

”Would the Church be failing in any part of its mission if we didn’t have lessons like this?” Yes. This addresses perfecting the Saints when it teaches: critical thinking-analyze where our attitudes and laws may have been affected by history; like everything else in life, this issue can be addressed by applying gospel principles-prayer, repentance, forgiveness and atonement; we are to be loving and non-judgmental of others-acknowledge and treat everyone as dealing with life situations the best they know how.

I especially like SilverRain’s #28 comment, “I’d say that I think a different approach to any topic would be helpful. Less formula-for-success and more gospel of Christ.”

RE support for women vs. men, SilverRain has it pegged again. I wish we could just take Alma’s advice and “…are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light; Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort…” Everyone is responsible for his or her own salvation, regardless of marital status.

But, as a divorced woman, though I have had support from some women, I’ve had mostly silence. Many women who are married act as though divorce is communicable. And from many other single women, I’ve seen outright vitriol. To quote one woman who didn’t know I was divorced and overhearing, “[They have] already had their chance at eternal marriage, they shouldn’t be allowed to come [to singles' wards or activities] and take chances away from us.”

And don’t even get me started on how so many men see divorced women. For single men, we are “damaged goods” and for the marrieds, we are loose cannons. Especially as the one who decided to file for divorce, I theoretically had control over whether or not my marriage fell apart, and that is its own black mark.

I’m not trying to say that women have it worse, but that I think it is easy to see how the other party has it easier than you do, when in reality, divorce is a great burden in the church, no matter the circumstances or gender of the divorcee.

And to be honest, I think to an extent it should be. Divorce shouldn’t be easily acceptable. I am possibly one of the most vehement voices against divorce in general, and would have strongly preferred that I was not so foolish as to marry him in the first place.

I don’t and won’t. I’ve known too many cases of real emotional and/or physical abuse to do that. As I said, the acceptable narrative is all too often real. And it is sad when real abuse is not taken seriously – but there is no support system for the men – men in the church (perhaps unconsciously) avoid divorced men. I’ve seen many a Relief Society rally to the aid of many a divorced woman, but I’ve never seen an Elder’s quorum rally to help the man.

But yes, your warning is important. I don’t mean to case any aspersions on every accusation of abuse.

Although I don’t deny that there is substance to what you are saying, I suspect that in areas of REAL abuse, the woman is often disbelieved because of her demeanor and modes of interaction vs. the demeanor and modes of interaction of the abuser. When abuse is imaginary, the confidence of the woman and lack of preparation and confidence from the man wins people to her side.

So please don’t overestimate the amount of support for a genuinely abused woman.

In even mentioning this [topic] I earnestly wish not to offend. I have seen divorce in my own family so I know something of the complexity, the pain, the accusations, and innocence that inevitably attend it. I do not speak here of specific lives or personal problems about which I know nothing and on which I would not pass judgment if I did. But the general matter of divorce, the abstract matter of divorce, is not only a major social but also a major symbolic problem in our world.

-http://speeches.byu.edu/reader/reader.php?id=6877