Keepapitchinin, the Mormon History blog » Funny Bones, 1918 (3)

Funny Bones, 1918 (3)

By: Ardis E. Parshall - March 19, 2011

These jokes came from odd corners of the Children’s Friend of 1918 – obviously a feature of the magazine intended more for the parents and teachers than the kiddies:


Sir William S. Gilbert was once standing outside his club when a stranger approached him and said:

“I beg your pardon, sir, but do you happen to know a gentleman, a member of this club, with one eye called Matthews?”

Sir William paused for a moment.

“I can’t say I do,” he replied. “What is his other eye called?”


“Pat,” said a man, pointing to a weather cock, “can you tell me why they always have a rooster and niver a hen on the top iv thim barns?”

“Sure,” replied Pat, “an’ it must be because av the difficulty they’d have in collecting the eggs.”


“Hey, here, Cornsilk, which of these roads do I take to Marshall?”

“How did you know my name was Cornsilk?”

“I guessed it.”

“Wall, then, guess which road to take.”


Mrs. Young Bride: “What small eggs!”

Grocer: “Yes-s, they are, but I’m sure I don’t know the reason.”

Mrs. Young Bride: “They took them out of the nest too soon, I suppose.”

Happy Bird

Nurse: “See that pretty little birdie, Bobby: he never cries!”

Bobby: “But he never gets washed.”


Little Evelyn was watching the new servant baking cookies.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“Baking cookies.”

“Why,” said Evelyn, “do you bake your cookies? We always cook ours, or else they wouldn’t be cookies.”


Pat was busily engaged laying bricks one day when the foreman came to him and said: “Pat, go back to the end of the building and measure the length of the foundation for me.”

Pat vanished, and after a stay of some duration, returned.

“Well, Pat,” said the foreman, “did you measure it?”

“Oi did,” answered pat.

“How long was it?”

“Altogether,” answered Pat, “twas as long as me rule, me arm, and two bricks.”

His Working Schedule

“How long has that clerk worked for you?” asked the Caller.

“About four hours,” replied the Boss.

“I thought he had been here longer than that,” said the Caller.

“He has,” said the Boss. “He has been here for four months.”

Beginning Early

Teacher: “If any little girl knows the answer, let her hold up her hand. Well, Hazel?”

Hazel (aged six): “I don’t know.”

Teacher: “Then why did you hold up your hand?”

Hazel: “I couldn’t help it. I just had to show my new ring I got for Christmas.”

An Eye to Trade

He had been fishing patiently for several hours without a bite when a small urchin strolled up. “Any luck, mister?” he called out.

“Run away, boy,” growled the angler, in gruff tones.

“No offense, sir,” said the boy, as he walked away, “only I just wanted to say that my father keeps a fish-shop down to the right, sir.”

The Battle Cry of “Feed ‘Em”

Yes, we’ll rally ‘round the farm, boys,
We’ll rally once again,
Shouting the battle cry of Feed ‘Em.
We’ve got the ships and money
And the best of fighting men,
Shouting the battle cry of Feed ‘Em.

The onion forever, the beans and the corn;
Down with the tater – it’s up the next morn –
While we rally ‘round the plow, boys,
And take the hoe again,
Shouting the battle cry of Feed ‘Em.


“Do you know why the little chickens come out of the egg, dear?”

“Course I do. They know they’d get boiled if they stayed in.”



  1. Battle Cry of Feed ’em—

    That’s an interesting reminder of the need not only for young men ‘over there’ but also folks to support them back home.

    Comment by Coffinberry — March 19, 2011 @ 8:08 am

  2. A great 1918 redo of the North’s most popular song of the Civil War until the Battle Hymn came on the scene. Battle Cry of Freedom was written by George F. Root in 1862. It became popular in the South, also.

    Comment by CurtA — March 19, 2011 @ 10:36 am

  3. Surely not with the same words!

    Comment by Eric Boysen — March 19, 2011 @ 5:11 pm

  4. Nope, this one is take-off (redo?) with agricultural words of the CW song. Ken Burns used the melody for background music for much of his series on TV.

    The 1862 words are:

    Battle Cry of Freedom

    Yes, we’ll rally round the flag, boys, we’ll rally once again,
    Shouting the battle cry of freedom,
    We will rally from the hillside, we’ll gather from the plain,
    Shouting the battle cry of freedom,

    The Union forever, hurrah! boys, hurrah!’
    Down with the traitor, up with the star,
    While we rally round the flag, boys,
    Rally once again,
    Shouting the battle cry of freedom.

    We are springing to the call of our brothers gone before,
    Shouting the battle cry of freedom,
    And we’ll fill the vacant ranks with a million freemen more,
    Shouting the battle cry of freedom.

    Comment by CurtA — March 19, 2011 @ 6:14 pm

  5. The first joke in this series found lasting fame with Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins asking about a man with a wooden leg named Smith… Yup, same punch line.

    Comment by Clark — March 19, 2011 @ 9:02 pm

  6. “Beginning Early” reminded me of teaching a young class in Primary.

    Comment by Maurine Ward — March 20, 2011 @ 12:08 am

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