Comments on: Anne Brent, Helpmate — part 5

By: Ardis E. Parshall

Ardis E. Parshall — Fri, 11 Mar 2011 16:49:57 +0000

jks, thanks for this additional perspective. I think your noting that spouses may have very different roles and move in different spheres may accurately describe the past. Certainly in 19th century Mormondom, men and women had very different lives — even while they record close emotional ties, diaries of both men and women give a picture of daily lives as distinct and separate. You also describe my own parents’ marriage (they were married in 1955) pretty accurately, I think, and probably what I would have expected had I married.

I won’t discount the personal experiences of readers who have interpreted Anne’s and Peter’s actions by explaining what those actions would have signalled in their own 21st century marriages, but you do remind us that where expectations and practices were different (as they certainly must have been in some instances, like whether or not a couple had an established pattern of a wife being hostess at a business dinner with little warning, and the technological primitiveness that prevented constant communication) an action might have have meant something different in 1934 than the same action would mean to a 2011 couple.

Rambling. Just mean to say thank you for a valuable missing perspective.

By: jks

jks — Fri, 11 Mar 2011 01:03:30 +0000

Also, I think the definition of helpmate is interesting. They each have a sphere that they are responsible for so for the marriage to be successful they each need to do their own job well and then make efforts to help their spouse be successful with their jobs. I think this explains a very practical and useful idea of what it means to be married.
Perhaps people today are more romantic. We hear things about making each other happy or sharing our lives,etc. But for thousands of years having a marriage partner was practical. The husband did X job, the wife did Y job and a happy marriage was when each spouse did their own job really well and in addition helped their spouse be successful (by being supportive or encouraging, by doing practical things that would further the other person’s goals, filling in when the other person had too much going on, etc.)

By: jks

jks — Fri, 11 Mar 2011 00:57:27 +0000

Their spheres are very separate. Without cheap long distance or cellphones they each are used to making decisions in their sphere without their spouse.
I grew up with a father who was out of town and my mother made many, many decisions without him.
I think what is missing from the comments is the idea that married partners have to trust each other and how important that is. She tries to trust her husband and have confidence in him even though he isn’t perfect. He has to trust her and have confidence in her.
He perhaps suffers from not knowing what it is she does and how difficult it is and how capable she truly is. However, at least he has never once criticized her or told her that she is doing it all wrong and micromanaging her. Sure he telegramed that 6 men were coming for dinner but he knew she could pull it off and he didn’t tell her that the pie was a little late coming out of the oven or that the walls looked a little funny, etc.

By: Ardis E. Parshall

Ardis E. Parshall — Fri, 11 Mar 2011 00:10:21 +0000

You’ve just shown how realistic some elements of a story like this can be. Anne still has several trials ahead of her before the end, whatever it is. Maybe — maybe — the resolution will resonate the way these early trials have?

By: Moniker Challenged

Moniker Challenged — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 23:42:25 +0000

Okay, I recognize this story now and it’s not funny anymore. The lady (my aunt) marries an RM and they have 5 kids over the years as the husband bullies her and chases one get-rich-quick scheme after another until finally they loose the house(and everything else) and she decides she has had enough. Unfortunately, she spent all of those years being a supportive helpmate and never went to college, so she has very limited earning capacity. So she marries another guy hoping he’ll solve all her problems and he turns out to be a scuzbucket. Back to minimumish wage for the rest of her life. I imagine the fake story will turn out happier?

By: Ardis E. Parshall

Ardis E. Parshall — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 03:39:26 +0000

Wow, Coffinberry … and that linked story doesn’t even have the safety of being fiction!

By: Coffinberry

Coffinberry — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 03:31:49 +0000

I think that this article at MormonTimes makes an interesting contrast. What I find interesting is that Anne is simultaneously so powerful and powerless.

By: Ellen

Ellen — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 02:00:53 +0000

You know … it’s kind of interesting to speculate on the editorial purposes of the magazine at the time this story appeared. As a new church member, I often hear tongue in cheek comments about the cheesiness of the stories in today’s church magazines: it isn’t ever just a story. It’s a story with the expected reasons why things happen and the expected reasons things turn out all right in the end.

In at least some of these older stories, there is often (comparatively) very little reference to “the standard Sunday school” issues as part of their daily lives.

I’m not sure which I prefer: the rudderless Annes of this story or the saccharine characters of today’s “actual events”.

By: Mina

Mina — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 00:26:30 +0000

Wow. The discussion today was really good!

By: Ardis E. Parshall

Ardis E. Parshall — Wed, 09 Mar 2011 22:48:22 +0000

Thanks, E. I’ve always been interested in how and why we respond to literature beyond “I do/don’t like the story.” Your expanded response here, as well as the thoughtful comments of all others, is appreciated.

Personally, I would have a difficult time discussing some of the ideas mentioned after several installments, if we were reacting to, say, a general conference talk advising women on their expected roles, or if we were discussing the relationship of real people in a gossipy way. In the context of fiction, I feel totally free to say, and to host others’ saying, just about anything.

Thanks to all of you who have been responding to this serial. (Your “face of a chimpanzee” really made me laugh, Ellen!)