Keepapitchinin, the Mormon History blog » Funny Bones, 1934 (2)
 


Funny Bones, 1934 (2)

By: Ardis E. Parshall - February 26, 2011

Another dose of humor from the Church magazines of 1934 —

Experience

Junior: “Oh, boy! A letter from home.”

Senior: “Let’s go out and spend it!”

Now, Sadie!

He: “I like a girl who can take a joke.”

She: “Then you stand a good chance of being accepted.”

Accomplished Without Words

“How did you make your neighbor keep his hens in his own yard?”

“One night I hid half-a-dozen eggs under a bush in my garden, and next day I let him see me gather them. I wasn’t bothered after that.”

Crossing Her Fingers

“I shall miss you while you are on your hunting trip, dear,” said the young wife affectionately, “and I shall pray that the hunters you are going with will do the same.”

Does a Flea Ever Forget?

Teacher (to bring out the idea of size) – “Mention a difference between an elephant and a flea.”

Tommy – “Well, an elephant can have fleas, but a flea can’t have elephants.”

Magnanimous of Him

Father: “Yes, my boy, I’m a self-made man.”

Son: “Gee, Pop, that’s what I admire about you. You always take the blame for everything.”

Happy Thought

A teacher was making a strenuous effort to get good attendance in her room. Looking over her class one morning, she saw that all expect one were in their places.

“This is fine,” she exclaimed, “all here except Jimmie Jones; and let us hope that it is something serious which keeps him away.”

Home of the Brave

“The rapidly increasing divorce rate,” remarked Mr. Peters, “indicates that America is indeed becoming the land of the free.”

“Yes,” cut in Porter, “but the marriage rate suggests that it is still the home of the brave.”

Still Loyal to NRA?

A man went into a store to buy a suit of clothes. Said he to the proprietor, after examining a few suits, “How much is this one?”

“Twenty dollars,” said Isaac.

The man looked around a few minutes and came back to the suit in question. “You said this was twenty dollars?”

“Yes,” answered Isaac, “twenty dollars, no more, no less.”

After another few minutes the man who was buying looked at the suit and muttered, “Twenty dollars, twenty dollars.”

“Yes,” said Isaac, “twenty dollars. The NRA won’t let me sell it for more or for less, but I’ll bet you five dollars you won’t buy it.”

Robbed!

First Kangaroo: “Annabelle, where’s the baby?’

Second Kangaroo: “My goodness, I’ve had my pocket picked!”

A Highly Colored Tale

Rastus: “Why is it that a black cow gives white milk that makes yellow butter?”

Sambo: “That’s easy; for the same reason that blackberries are red when they are green.”

Excited

“All right!” said the slow worker, “keep your shirt on! Rome wasn’t built in a day, you know.”

“That may be,” the boss replied. “I wasn’t in charge there!”

Hit Him Again

“My dear man,” said the attorney to the banker, “there are hundreds of ways of making money, but only one that’s honest.”

“What’s that?” asked the banker.

“Ah,” smiled the other, “I thought you wouldn’t know.”

Not a Good Judge

Mr. Cutter – “No man with any sense would permit his wife to carry on the way you do.”

Mrs. Cutter – “How do you know what a man with any sense would do?”

Look Out for the Big Boss

Mr. Bigmitt: “You’re a henpecked little shrimp!”

Mr. Peewee: “I’ll bet you wouldn’t dare say that in the presence of my wife.”

Birth of a Beautiful “Epidemic”

Mother: “Did I see you kissing that young Allen last night?”

Beryl: “Well, Mother, he told me he had just lost an uncle and I felt so sorry for him.”

“If I know anything about that young man he won’t have a relative left in a week’s time!”

Speaking of Hot Places

The preacher was describing the “bad place” to a congregation of awed listeners.

“Friends,” he said, “You’ve seen this here melted iron running out of a furnace, ain’t you all – white hot, sizzling and hissing? Well – ”

The preacher pointed a long, lean finger at the frightened crowd. “Well,” he continued, “they use that stuff for ice cream in the place I been talking about.”

Happy Though Married

“You say you never clash with your wife?”

“Never. She goes her way and I go hers.”

Complicated Artistic Life

Friend: “Are you happy in your married life?”

Artist: “If I told you the truth, I would have to lie.”

Narrow Escape

“Will you marry me?”

“No.”

And they lived happily ever afterwards.

Bob-Haired Bandit

“Were you excited when you first asked your husband for money?”

“Oh, no, I was calm – and collected.”

She Did Her Best

Fraternity – “If you keep looking at me like that I’m going to kiss you.”

Sorority – “Well, I can’t hold this expression much longer.”



1 Comment »

  1. Quite a slew of marriage jokes in this batch. I wonder if the Bickersons represented some kind of period humor.

    Comment by Clark — February 28, 2011 @ 10:37 am

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