Keepa has a statistics program that reports data about readers’ interaction with Keepa. No, I can’t tell who you are, or what any particular individual does when you visit (I understand that kind of tracking is possible; I don’t and won’t use it). But the program does tell me how many people visited any particular post (six times as many when I rant as when I write a researched post), and the average time readers spend on a page (3:38, currently), how many visitors come from which countries (10,117 from the U.S., 4 from Pakistan, 1 from Albania), and whether you get here by clicking on links at ldsblogs.org or Facebook or elsewhere.
The program also tells me the search terms people enter into Google that bring them here.
I suppose the purpose for that is so that I can pepper my pages with the words that people search most often, in a bid for greater traffic – not that I would ever consider such a blatant ploy for traffic [marijuana dead “gospel doctrine” “pork and beans” fairies chastity]. Oh, no, I wouldn’t.
Search terms are endlessly fascinating to me. I learn that there are hundreds of LDS teachers looking for ideas beyond the lesson manual – and that you do most of your lesson preparation on Saturday evening or Sunday morning. I hope you find something helpful here – although the person who was hunting a “fun way to teach gospel doctrine” probably did not. Nor did the person looking for “how to pronounce hosea lds” discover that Mormons have any peculiar way of saying the names of Old Testament prophets
I’m pleased that an early post I did on dressing the dead is available to the many people who suddenly find themselves needing this information. During the past 30 days alone, there have been searches for
dressing an endowed member for burial
dressing the dead religion
can anyone help dress a deceased lds person for burial
dressing the dead lds
the process of dressing a dead body
dress dead lds
mormons death and dressing of the dead
mormons dress deceased
death mortuary dressing the dead
how does relief society handle deaths in wards
funeral shroud mormon
dressing the dead
Am I insensitive to have been glad one person was searching for information on “dressing the deceased dead” rather than on zombie fashions for the living dead?
Then there’s that old favorite of the potheads, some of my most loyal readers, apparently.
what the mormons have to say about marijuana
mormon marijuana blog
what is the mormon church’s stance on marijuana
mormons for pot
james e. talmage marijuana
marijuana and the lds church
lds on medical marijuana
the lds church view on marijuana
salicylic acid marijuana
“great mormon marijuana myth”
mormons and marijuana
I can’t quite imagine what Keepa posts Google listed that brought readers here for “book of mormon hair styles” or “rayon bloomers” – dare I ask for your opinions? But I think I don’t really want to know what posts people clicked through to read when they searched for “dangerous doctrines taught in prisons today” or “church of permanent male chastity” or “strange stories of people visiting graves of loved ones.” Some things are better left unknown.
I’m glad so many people came to Keepa using “cryptography” as a search term – but I don’t get “english ciphers using finnish alphabet.” Do the Finns not use the same roman alphabet we use in English? Have I ever written otherwise?
Don’t you think Van Camp’s owes me a case of their product after all the free advertising I gave them? Remarkably, these searches all brought visitors in the past month:
van camp’s pork and bean soup
van camp’s beans no pork
gilbert van camp invented camp’s pork & beans
van camp pork and beans without tomato sauce
van camp pork and beans
#10 cans of pork and beans
And you’ll be pleased, I think, to know that “conan doyle is definitely a mastermind.” Maybe not so pleased to hear that “wild west bandits use horses to catch trains.”
My favorite search terms are the ones phrased as questions – it wasn’t just the young ladies of the early 20th century who had questions to ask of Catherine Hurst. Here are some of the questions for which Keepa presumably provided answers … although in most cases I can’t imagine how (or why Googlers’ grammar is so often so bad, for that matter).
did arthur conan doyle correctly portray mormon harems
do mormons believe in atlantis
does the sacrament tray need to be carried in the right hand
why does power saw attract flies
why rat does not go in trap?
can mormons give urine specimens
who was the son of william h. dane [sic] that left the mormon church
who is paying for morman ads
where do mormons keep valuable documents
did god actually talk to satan in the book of job, lds
what is bigger than a rat
can mormon missionaries wear bow ties
how do I know if I should be a morman
were fairies early hominids
was gene autry a mormon
are scriptures good
does the presidency of the sunday school holds keys
was dempsey mormon?
did realy raven provide food to elijah in archaelogy?
does utah schools teach false history
should a mormon guy kiss a girl when he gets off his mission
does the moroni statue always faces the east?
mormons don’t give blood?
did john allred serve an lds mission
While I can’t really speak to the matter of fairies as hominids, I do hope Mormon guys continue kissing girls post-mission. Give your urine samples, people. Be assured that scriptures are in fact good. My testimony of that will not be affected whether missionaries wear bow ties or not.
And do keep coming, whatever you’re looking for. [marijuana dead “gospel doctrine” “pork and beans” fairies chastity]