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Guest Post: Funny Bones, 1904 (2)

By: Keith Irwin - September 04, 2010

Keith Irwin culled these gems from the pages of the 1904 LDS University literary magazine, Blue & Gold. Blame him this time, not me.

—oooOooo—

Mr. Evans (in English) – Is there anything in “As You Like It” that seems unnatural?

Miss A. – I think so. Celia going off with Rosalind in the way she did.

Mr. Evans – Well, what is there in that circumstance which you think unnatural?

Miss A. – Why, I don’t think one girl would go off with another GIRL.

—oooOooo—

Teacher (in German) – Why is the feminine gender applied to a steamboat or a ship?

Male student (viewing the girls) – Because it makes such a funny noise when it tries to whistle.

—oooOooo—

The Vicar – Ah, John, this drink is your greatest enemy.

John – Well, parson, are we not told in the Scriptures to love our enemies?

—oooOooo—

Bro. Evans (in English) – Girls, you must not read cheap literature, as it gives you the impression that boys have to propose on their knees. Now, this is wrong, because I’ve tried it.

—oooOooo—

Teacher – What are you drawing?

Freshie – A Locomotive.

Teacher – Why don’t you draw the cars, too?

Freshie – ‘Cuz the locomotive draws the cars.

—oooOooo—

“It’s a great comfort to be3 alone,” said an Irish lover, “especially if your sweetheart is with you.”

—oooOooo—

Two cross-eyed men, going in opposite directions, bumped squarely into each other. The first one said, “Why don’t you look where you’re going? and the other replied, “Why don’t you go where you’re looking?

—oooOooo—

“Say, do you remember, I asked you once what you gave your sick horse, and you said, ‘Turpentine’? Well, it killed my horse.”

“It killed mine, too.”

—oooOooo—

I know a young man who attends church regularly, and clasps his hands so tightly during prayer, that he can’t get them apart when the contribution box comes around.

—oooOooo—

A judge, pointing his cane toward a prisoner before him said: “there is a great rogue at the end of this stick.”

“At which end, your honor?” asked the prisoner.

—oooOooo—

Keith writes, “Perhaps the funniest thing in this literary journal is in the banner listing the staff, price, etc.: ‘Entered as second class mail matter October 31, 1903, at Post office, Salt Lake City, Utah, under act of March 3, 1904.’ Figure that one out!”



2 Comments »

  1. Funny joke about whistling. In my family, it’s my daughters that can whistle. I don’t know why my sons can’t!

    Is LDS University the precursor to the LDS Business College?

    Comment by Researcher — September 4, 2010 @ 11:18 am

  2. Might be more accurate to say that LDS Business College is the last vestige of LDSU. LDSU had a full range (for the times) of college courses, with business being just one of them. John Widtsoe, James Talmage, Evan Stephens, Maud May Babcock, and a host of other well-remembered and highly qualified teachers taught there over the years.

    But yes, LDS Business College traces its origins to LDSU.

    Comment by Ardis E. Parshall — September 4, 2010 @ 12:02 pm

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