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Funny Bones, 1948 (2nd set)

By: Ardis E. Parshall - July 31, 2010

From the church magazines of 1948 –

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Three men in a compartment of a train discussed the vagaries of men. One said, “I know a man who writes a very small hand to save ink.”

Said another, “A friend of my father always stops the clock at night to save wear and tear on it.”

“Your men are spendthrifts,” said the third. “I know an old man who won’t read the paper because he says it wears out his glasses.”

Jimmy: “Aw, you’re afraid to fight!”

Johnny: “Naw, but if I fight, my mom’ll find out and spank me.”

Jimmy: “How’ll she find out?”

Johnny: “She’ll see the doc goin’ to your place.”

A mountaineer and his wife visited the city for the first time. The husband was interested in the street pavements and concrete sidewalks. Scraping his foot on the hard surfaces, he said to his wife:

“I don’t blame them for building the town here. The ground is so hard they could never plow it, no-how.”

“Dad,” sighed the bobbysoxer as the latest jive number came to a close, “did you ever hear anything so absolutely wonderful?”

“No,” the father replied wearily, “I can’t say that I have, except for the time my car hit a truck loaded with empty milk cans and a wagon-load of live ducks.”

High school girl: “I’ve been waiting for a bus for fifteen minutes. Then five of them came along together. Why can’t you arrange it better?”

Operator: “Well, you see, we’re working in convoys now. We haven’t lost a single bus so far.”

Mother (on telephone): “Betty, dear, could father and I leave your children with you and Bill this evening? We’re invited out to dinner.”

Severest Critic

Nancy: “I think there’s company downstairs.”

Salley: “How d’ya know?”

Nancy: “I just heard Mama laugh at Papa’s joke.”

First brother: “Since I have my new car I don’t have to walk to the bank to make my deposits.”

Second brother: ‘Now you drive over, eh?”

First brother: “No, I just don’t make any.”

Traffic cop: “Use your noodle, lady! Use your noodle!”

Dear sister: “Where is it? I’ve pushed and pulled everything in the car.”

Voter: “Why, I wouldn’t vote for you if you were St. Peter himself.”

Candidate: “If I were St. Peter you couldn’t vote for me. You wouldn’t be in my district.”

Sonny: “Mother, we’re going to play elephants at the zoo and we want you to help us.”

Mother: “What on earth can I do?”

Sonny: “You can be the lady who gives them peanuts and candy.”

A lady going from home for the day locked everything up well, and for the grocer’s benefit wrote on a card:

“All out. Don’t leave anything.”

This she stuck on the door. On her return home she found her house ransacked and all her choicest possessions gone. To the card on the door was added:

“Thanks! We haven’t left much.”

All publishers of periodicals receive curious letters from their readers, but the following written to the Christian Science Monitor stands out as the gem of the year: “Dear Sir: When I subscribed a year ago you stated that if I was not satisfied at the end of the year I could have my money back. Well, I would like to have it back. On second thought, to save you trouble, you might apply it on my next year’s subscription.”

A lad, watching a house painter at work, said, “How many coats do you give it?”

“Two,” said the painter.

“Then,” said the lad, “if you would give it three coats, would the third one be an overcoat?”

“No, Sonny,” said the painter, “that would be a waste coat.”

Teacher: “What are the people of New York noted for?”

Boy: “For their stupidity.”

Teacher: “Whatever gave you that idea?”

Boy: “The book says the population is very dense.”

Lady Tourist: “Do you have any outstanding sights around here?”

Hotel clerk: “Yes, madam. We have the only helium plant in existence in the world.”

Lady tourist: “And is it in bloom now?

“I hear your son is on the football team. What position does he play?”

“I think he’s one of the drawbacks.”

The man who says his wife can’t take a joke, forgets himself.

If we think we are getting too much government, what would happen if we got all the government we are paying for?

A small boy was asked to give the definition of steam. His answer was: “Steam is water gone crazy with the heat.”

“There’s no use denying it,” observed Farmer Filkins. “Old Tumbleton is the man to send to Congress.”

“I don’t know so much about that,” persisted Farmer Fowler.

“Well, I do. He’s for the farmer every time. Why, he says if he’s elected he’ll introduce a bill to stop importing French fried potatoes.”

Asked the interested friend, “Why did you leave the girl’s house so early?”

Answered the distressed young man, “While we were sitting on the sofa, she turned out the light. Guess I can take a hint!”

The high cost of living is no joke – nor, for that matter, is the average joke.

The wife smiled at her husband when he got home from the office. “Poor darling!” she said, “you must be hungry. Would you like some tender chops with golden-brown potatoes and green peas, and mushrooms on toast?”

“No, darling,” said her husband, “let’s save money and eat at home.”



1 Comment »

  1. Ah, the dense population of New York! I’ve met some of them.

    Comment by Mark B. — July 31, 2010 @ 7:35 pm

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