Keepapitchinin, the Mormon History blog » Funny Bones, 1946 (4th set)

Funny Bones, 1946 (4th set)

By: Ardis E. Parshall - March 20, 2010

Here’s what they were laughing about in the pages of the 1946 Improvement Era


“How would you classify a telephone operator?” said the census taker. “Is it a business or a profession?”

“Neither. it’s a calling.”

Essential Labor

“She’s got the leading part in a theater.”


“No, head usher.”

No Trouble at All

“Are you having any difficulty meeting expenses?”

“Absolutely not. I meet them at every turn.”

Could Be Contagious

Absent-minded professor: “Mary, I believe I have lost the road.”

His wife: “Are you sure that you had it when you left the house?”

Nothing Hidden

“What do you know about your neighbors?’

“Everything. I go home with them every night on the interurban bus.”

What He Wanted

Student: “Did you give me my grades in round numbers?”

Professor: “Yes. I gave you zero.”


“Have you anything to offer the court before sentence is passed upon you?”

“No, your honor; my lawyer took the last dollar I had.”

Early Bird

“In my day I was a bird of a stenographer.”

“I know the kind. Sort of an Underwood pecker.”


“How many pieces of candy do I get for a penny?”

“Oh, two or three.”

“I’ll take three.”

Yes and No

“You couldn’t loan me five dollars, could you?”

“No, but how did you know?”

Point of View

“Did you summer in the country?”

“No, I simmered in the city.”

Too Much So

“So your brother’s an efficiency expert at the fire department?”

“Not any more.”

“What happened?”

“He put non-breakable glass in the alarm boxes.”


“One more payment and the furniture is ours.”

“Good – then we can throw it out and get some new stuff.”

Landed Aristocracy

“Why do they call him a gentleman farmer?”

“Because the only thing he raises is his hat.”

Responsibility Fixed

“For this particular position we need a very responsible man.”

“That must be me,” declared the applicant. “In all my other jobs when anything went wrong they always said that I was responsible for it.”

Tit for Tat

He had found some holes in his socks and said: “Wife, dear, why haven’t you mended these?”

“Hubby, darling, did you buy me that coat for Christmas, as you promised?”


“Well, if you don’t give a wrap, I don’t give a darn.”

Old Flame

“Mrs. Jones is very determined that her husband shall resign from the fire department.”

“How so?”

“Well, it seems he’s been paying too much attention to an old flame.”

Sure of One End

Irate executive on phone: “Hello, hello. Are there any blithering idiots on this line?”

And a meek little voice replied: “Not on this end, sir.”


“You say the circus rope walker and juggler has gone insane?”

“Yes, he tried to balance the family budget.”



  1. The joke “Nothing Hidden” is more revelant today with people on the bus talking loudly into cell phones telling every intimate detail of their lives.

    Comment by Maurine — March 21, 2010 @ 11:11 pm

  2. I meant to say “relevant” not “revelant.”

    Comment by Maurine — March 21, 2010 @ 11:12 pm

  3. These are some of the smartest in the series. Except for the stenographer bird, which makes no sense to me. Something about a typist?

    Comment by Clark — March 22, 2010 @ 10:51 am

  4. “Underwood” was a brand of typewriter. So I guess there is a joke in there somewhere between the pun on “…wood pecker” and “woodpecker” and hunting-and-pecking as a style of keyboarding.

    Comment by Ardis E. Parshall — March 22, 2010 @ 11:26 am

  5. Ah, kids these days! I suppose they think that a carriage return is the place where they park the carriages after carting the tourists around Central Park.

    And ribbons must be something to wear in your hair. And a carbon ribbon? Who knows? Maybe something Al Gore knows something about–a special, frilly kind of carbon footprint?

    Comment by Mark B. — March 22, 2010 @ 11:35 am

  6. Careful, Mark, you’re betraying your age. I’ll bet you even know the difference between a mimeograph and a spirit duplicator!

    Comment by Ardis E. Parshall — March 22, 2010 @ 11:37 am

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