Interesting point though. I wonder if they give missionaries ‘European etiquette’ lessons at the MTC in Preston, cos I have never noticed American missionaries eating the way you described – not that I would be looking, but my kids would have picked up on it and tried it out at a later mealtime with the excuse ‘but you didn’t tell Elder So and So off when he did it!’

Perspective time though- at Christmas, when my son came back from India, he was demonstrating how to eat with fingers in a polite manner,a la Indian mode, but then added ‘that’s for those who have food, of course’. So, however we eat, let’s be grateful for the fact we are able to, is my thought for the day.

Your way of holding the fork is done in America only when someone is simultaneously using a knife — fork in left hand, knife in right. When one or two bite-size pieces of meat have been cut, the knife is set down, handle on table and blade propped against plate, the fork is transferred to the right hand (fork being held exactly like a spoon or pencil is generally held), and food is lifted to the mouth.

You might find that barbaric, or at least inefficient, with all that shifting of silver, but we find it more graceful to *lift* food to the mouth than to use the knife to mash food (food that can’t be speared, that is, like peas or whipped potatoes or baked beans or a hundred other soft or small foods) onto the back of a fork.

And for differences like this we fought a Revolution! Long live the Spirit of ’76!!!!!!

Er … thank you for coming tonight, that is. Please pass the butter.

It would be considered very impolite still to start to eat until everyone had been served, unless the hostess says ‘please do start’.Only one decent way to use a fork, with the back of the fork, the handle in the palm and extending along to the thumb and forefinger. The fork remains in the left hand and the knife in the right hand throughout the course, unless both placed on the plate simultaneously (to have a drink, for instance).

My 18 month old grandson merrily chomps his way through each meal with mouth wide open. He dines elsewhere on a regular basis and I suspect he has acquired this faux pas there. Unfortunately his big smile looks so cute that we do not have the heart to address this breach of etiquette just yet, but It Shall Be Done, eventually, because dining out with him is embarrassingly noisy!!

My family of 6, everyone’s allowed to start eating as soon as they’re served, which happens after the prayer. (Keeps the 2-year-old from eating before the prayer, you see.) That’s a sequence that messes with guests occasionally–but as Emily Post said over and over, etiquette isn’t a set of rules to be followed, it’s a set of guidelines to be adapted as necessary.

(And yes, my mother made me read etiquette books while i was growing up.)

I have attended formal banquets in 5-star hotels and eaten scorched potatoes beside a scout campfire. In all cases and places, the best manners are kindness and politeness. And when she knows what she is doing, always follow the hostess.

There are times when I was invited to really fancy dinners and believe me, I watched others carefully before making some obvious goof.

In my parents’ house there were definitely vulgar tooth marks on the breakfast toast, and there may have been the occasional elbow on the lunch table. But for dinner — even though it was just the five of us and even if it was only macaroni and cheese or meatloaf and mashed potatoes — my parents expected us to use the best manners we had, including breaking the bread before buttering a bite, including correct use of utensils (but we ate American rather than European style), including correct posture. We had to ask to leave the table, even if it came out in a rush as “plezemuhbe’scused,” and we had to bus our own dishes. Mom wanted us not to be embarrassed in front of other people when we grew up.

Somebody — I think in General Conference — spoke about how his mother always tried to make note of how tables were set in ward homes, and go one step more casual when she invited any ward family to dinner. If they had a cloth tablecloth, she used plastic. If they had plastic, she used paper. If they used paper, her table was bare. She always wanted the guests to feel superior in one respect, no matter what. Not a bad idea, I think, when we secretly judge each other by our table manners all the time. (Anybody who doesn’t notice other people’s table manners is either the purest of innocent souls, or else probably should be paying more attention to her own manners. Even if you’re not judging others, they’re judging you!)

Ardis, if it makes you feel any better–in our home we never sat down or started eating before my mother (and my children have learned that they begin eating only after their mother has) and I have surprised some missionaries having dinner with us by suggesting that they might pay attention to the rest of us and follow that example. So, at least in that one area, we’re more advanced than the lesson writer.

The rules about handkerchiefs and their proper use remind me of an old Garrison Keillor story about some dainty aunts who would retire to the bathroom and close the door and turn on the water before a few timid sniffs into their hankies, while some of his uncles would pull out a bandanna at the table with a flourish and blow their noses like a foghorn on Lake Superior.

We always broke our bread before buttering it. I don’t think they were bite-sized pieces though, so the bread might have shown some vulgar tooth marks after all.

(I’m all for etiquette and manners, but there are limits!)