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Funny Bones, 1928 — 2nd set

By: Ardis E. Parshall - March 13, 2010

Where do you suppose the church magazines of 1928 found so many corny jokes?

Nothing

“Do you suffer with rheumatism?”

“Certainly; what else could I do with it?”

No; Let’s Hear It

Have you heard the story of the Scotchman who went crazy trying to shoot off a cannon a little at a time?

She Took the Hint

Eve: “I think a man should give his wife plenty of rope.”

Ernest: “Yeah! I did with mine and she skipped.”

Cause for an Investigation

“I’ve just come back from old Bill’s funeral.”

“So old Bill’s dead.”

“Well, if he’s not someone has played a dirty trick on him.”

She Do – Do She?

Mose: “When my wife gets kissed, she sure does holler.”

Gawge; “I’ll say she does!”

Mose: “What did you say, buster?”

Gawge: “I said, Does she?”

Good Wishes

He: “You say that Jack is going to the hospital? What’s the matter with him?”

She: “They don’t really know yet, but will probably operate.”

He: “I hope everything comes out all right.”

Teaching by Suggestion

“Willie,” said the Sunday School teacher severely, “you shouldn’t talk like that to your playmate. Had you ever thought of heaping coals of fire on his head?”

“No, ma’am, I hadn’t but it’s a peach of an idea!”

All She Wanted

Two bachelor girls of somewhat advanced years were discussing the approaching holidays.

“Sister Molly,” said the younger, “would a long stocking hold all your wish for Christmas?”

“No, Elvira,” said the older girl, “but a pair of socks would.”

See the Professional

Banker: “Doctor, six months ago you advised me to take up golf to get my mind off my work.”

Doctor: “Yes.”

Banker: “Well, for goodness sake, prescribe something to get it back again.”

And Then They Fought

“Just watch this town grow,” bragged the proprietor of the backwoods gasoline station.

“Grow what?” inquired the smart city fellow, “whiskers?”

Naughty, Naughty!

Little Girl: “What do you think, auntie! There’s something without legs running across the bathroom floor!”

Auntie: “Good gracious, child, what is it?”

Little Girl: “Water, auntie.”

Mostly More

“A girl no longer marries a man for better or worse.”

“Indeed!”

“No, she marries him for more or less.”

Mistaken Identity

Him: “Had I known that tunnel was so long, I’d have kissed you.”

Her: “Heavens! wasn’t that you?”

Knew His Motors

Teacher: “Correct this sentence: ‘The fjords of Norway are very rough’.”

Pupil: “You got Fords spelled wrong!”

A Good Critic

Singer (to critic): “Would you call me a soprano or a contralto?”

Critic: “I would not.”

Well Seasoned

Customer: “Are you sure this suit won’t shrink when it gets wet?”

Jacobsen: “Mine friendt, effery fire company in town has squirted vater on dot suit.”

Light as a Feather

Diner: “Waiter, please close that window.”

Waiter: “Is there a draft, sir?”

Diner: “No, but it’s the fourth time my steak has blown off the plate.”

Constitutional Limitations

Gee: “Girls in Bingville who wear skirts above their knees should be arrested.”

Whizz: “Wouldn’t that be unconstitutional?”

Gee: “No. The Constitution only gives the right to bear arms.”

Stop Right There!

Reformer: “It is time we had a moral awakening. Let us arise in our might and gird our loins. Let us take off our coats. Let us bare our arms. Let us – “

Feminine Voice: “Hold on! If this is to be a moral awakening, don’t dare to take off another thing!”

The Most Proficient

Little Richard: “A fib is the same as a story and a story is the same as a lie.”

Little Roy: “No, it isn’t.”

Little Richard: “Yes, it is, because my father said so, and my father is an editor.”

Little Roy: “I don’t care if he is. My father is a real estate man, and he knows more about lying than your father does.”

The Worst to Come

Love-mad Youth: “You still doubt me? Test my love. Bid me attack wild beasts, defy savages, bring back the north pole, descend into a volcano – anything, no matter what, I will do it.”

His Sweetheart: “Well, go ask father.”

A Modern Sleuth

The great detective glanced around the room with a practiced eye. The pictures were torn into shreds, the chairs were broken, the table lying on the top of the piano, a great splash of blood on the carpet.

“Someone has been here,” he said.

Wish Fully Gratified

Mrs. Henpeck: “You said when you proposed that you’d rather live in eternal torment with me than in bliss by yourself.”

Mr. Henpeck: “Well, I’ve had my wish.”



1 Comment »

  1. I like the singer/critic one.

    Comment by queuno — March 13, 2010 @ 6:57 am

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