I’d like to bury my testimony that I know the Book of Mormon is true.

The Hi family was quite prominent in stature, except for “Neef“ who was only Neef Hi. (Neef grew bigger before Arnold Friberg took those pictures of them.)

Lee and his son Neef were great prophets of their age. I think all the boys had the priesthood except the one they called “Lay Man,” Lee’s oldest son. He was bad and their Bishop would not let him be ordained. “Le Mule” was called that ’cause he was so stubborn. Only Sam had a normal name.

Lee and “Neef” led their family across the sea from Jerusalem to Utah. “Lay Man” and “Le Mule” went too, but they didn’t want to go. They kept asking Lee if they were there yet. After Lee died the Hi family divided into the two great nations that usually fought each other, the “Neef” Hites and the “Lay Man” Hites,

The funny thing in the Book of Mormon is that there was a time when they all got short and there were no more Hites, then after a few pages there were Hites again. I think they must not have had enough protein in their diet after everything was destroyed, or maybe they experimented with some racial poison like cigarettes or tequila for a few generations.

Anyway, the “Neef” Hites are all gone now ’cause they fought fair and the “Lay Man” Hites fought unfair. In the end the “Neef” Hites tried to fight unfair too, but they didn’t know how to do it right. In the end, the last “Neef” Hite was “Moron” Hi. The other “Neef” Hites called him that because he wouldn’t fight unfair, and they thought that was dumb, but he was smart ’cause he lived and they died!

The “Lay Man” Hites’ children were called Indians by Columbus ‘cause he was lost and thought Hispañola was Ceylon and he was so dumb didn’t ask them where he was. Monday is Columbus Day because he was soooo lost that everyone thought it was funny and wanted to remember him.

And that’s the truth, pthththth!