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Funny Bones, 1946 (2nd set)

By: Ardis E. Parshall - October 03, 2009

Humor from the Improvement Era of 1946 —

Last Degree

“What did you take at college?”

“A course in husbandry.”

“Then why did they give you a bachelor’s degree?”


Spendthrift

“The bank has returned your last check.”

“Oh, goody – what shall I buy with it this time?”

Purposeful

“You’re going hunting?”

“Right.”

“But where are your pants?”

“What did you think I was going hunting for?”

Strictly by Choice

“I’ve got French blood in me.”

“By your mother?”

“No, by transfusion.”

To All Must Come

“Does your husband get what he earns?”

“Yes – that’s why we’re always so hard up.”

If It Knew Like He Knew

“I’m afraid the mountain air would disagree with me.”

“My dear – take it from me – it wouldn’t dare.”

A Purpose for Everything

He has ears like steam shovels – always digging up dirt.

The Catch

“I’d like to go away and forget everything.”

“Why don’t you?”

“I can’t – somebody borrowed my suitcase.”

Unjust Deserts

“Poor man, all his friends are gone.”

“Yes, all he’s got left is relatives.”

By the Clock

“What’s your son’s average income?”

“Oh, about midnight!”

Description

“From what I hear, you married an angel.”

“That’s an apt description, my friend; she’s always up in the air and harping on something.”

Point of View

“There’s Bill over there carrying two ladders at a time, and you’re carrying one.”

“Sure, but he’s just too lazy to go back twice.”

Just Like the Proofreader

“Are you ever troubled with diphtheria?”

“Only when I try to spell it.”

Supply and Demand

“Don’t you know that you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar?”

“Yes, but what can I do with flies?”

Home Folk Convert

“We’re going to operate on you. What will you have: gas, chloroform, or ether?”

“I always believe in patronizing home industry. You’d better give me a local anesthetic.”

Static

“I’m terribly worried about my boss. He keeps talking to himself.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t worry about that. Mine does the same thing. Only he thinks that I’m listening.”

Kill or Cure

“What do you do for insomnia?”

“I read detective stories.”

“Does that put you to sleep?”

“No, but it makes me content to stay awake.”

No Hurry

“Hello, doctor,” said the meek little man on the telephone. “I know you’re busy, but if you’re around this way, say a week from next Tuesday, drop in to see my wife. She’s just dislocated her jaw and can’ talk.”



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