Keepapitchinin, the Mormon History blog » Funny Bones, 1962
 


Funny Bones, 1962

By: Ardis E. Parshall - August 29, 2009

From the files of The Improvement Era, 1962:

A little boy sat before the fireplace stroking his new kitten. The kitten began to purr loudly when suddenly the boy jerked it roughly away from the hearth. “Can’t you treat your new pet more gently?” reprimanded the mother. “But, Mom, I had to move it quick. Didn’t you hear it start to boil?”

Employee: I’ve been here ten years, Sir, doing three men’s work for one man’s money, and now I want a raise.

Employer: I doot I can gie ye that, but if ye’ll tell me the names of the ither twa men I’ll fire ‘em.

 

 

 

Fashion note: Little change in men’s pockets this spring.

The well-intentioned man, when he found that the liniment made his arm smart, proceeded to rub some on his head.

The only reason why a great many Americans don’t own an elephant is that they have never been offered one for a dollar down and a dollar a week.

A farm boy in the big city painted a glowing picture of city life in his letters home. On one occasion he wrote, “Thursday we motored out to the club, where we golfed until dark. Then we autoed to the beach, where we week-ended.” Not to be outdone, his brother, still on the farm, replied: “Yesterday we buggied to town and baseballed all afternoon. Then we went to Ned’s and shuffleboarded until sundown. We suppered, then staircased up to our room and bedsteaded until the clock fived.”

Employer: Where did you get your financial training?

Applicant: Yale.

Employer: Good, good. And what is your name?

Applicant: Yackson.

An umbrella is a device for keeping two people half dry.

“My dad is an Eagle, a Moose, and a Lion,” boasted the little boy. “Yeah?” gasped the wide-eyed friend. “How much does it cost to see him?”

A businessman sent an overdue bill to his customer with the notation: “This bill is one year old today.” The customer returned the bill with a note: “Happy Birthday.”

Help yourself to outer space – take your moon and star!
Give me just some inner place where I can park my car.

Junior was one of those little terrors, and papa was surprised when mama suggested that they buy him a bicycle. “Do you think it will improve his behavior?” papa asked. ‘No,” replied mama grimly, “but it will spread his effectiveness over a wider area.”

Cosmetics are a woman’s way of keeping a man from reading between the lines.

If you want to stay young, associate with young people; if you want to feel your age, try to keep up with them.

 

 

 

 

 



10 Comments »

  1. “The only reason why a great many Americans don’t own an elephant…”

    I love it!

    I repeated it to my husband, and he thought it was funny as well, then wondered aloud how many “elephants” we have in the house.

    Comment by Researcher — August 29, 2009 @ 7:54 am

  2. Thanks for laughing. I was wondering whether anyone was still reading these pages, and whether it was time to stop posting the jokes.

    Comment by Ardis E. Parshall — August 29, 2009 @ 10:50 am

  3. Gee, but I thought there were no elephants because my dad scared them all away by honking the horn.

    Firing those other two men reminds me of Pudd’n’head Wilson wanting to own half a dog so he could kill his half.

    Comment by Mark B. — August 29, 2009 @ 12:03 pm

  4. Oh, and thanks for expanding the print after the first joke. My new glasses won’t be ready for a week.

    Comment by Mark B. — August 29, 2009 @ 12:04 pm

  5. Don’t stop posting the jokes; they’re probably my favorite part of Keepapitchinin!

    Comment by rvs — August 29, 2009 @ 12:11 pm

  6. How’s it look now? It looked okay on my screen all along, but after your comment, Mark B., I looked at the coding and discovered

    /span style=”font-size: x-small;”/

    appearing in several places at the beginning of the post, for some reason. Ugh.

    Thanks for letting me know, rvs — they’re certainly the easiest posts for me to do. I picked up enough material this week to keep the feature running for another month or two, at least, since you want it.

    Comment by Ardis E. Parshall — August 29, 2009 @ 12:24 pm

  7. I always look forward to the joke posts, so count me as another reader who would miss them if you stopped doing them.

    Comment by Keri Brooks — August 29, 2009 @ 3:13 pm

  8. Okay — you’ll get ‘em! Glad to know they’re enjoyed. They won’t last forever — there’s a limit to the original supply — but as long as I can find new ones, I’ll keep posting them.

    Comment by Ardis E. Parshall — August 29, 2009 @ 3:57 pm

  9. Ardis, I really liked these today, especially the well-intentioned man, educated at Yale, junior the terror, and cosmetics. Keep them coming.

    Comment by Maurine — August 29, 2009 @ 10:43 pm

  10. I too love the jokes!!

    Comment by kew — August 31, 2009 @ 7:36 pm

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