Comments on: Then and Now: Talking to Young Women About Possible Missionary Service

By: Karen

Karen — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 22:12:31 +0000

Thanks for this article. I’m beginning a study of YW manuals, mostly to see how they approached teaching itself, rather than any specific topic, but I found this post very interesting.
I had my own experiences with whether or not to serve a mission, which may or may not be interesting, but I do think there are several points to consider:
1. Sister missionaries are famous for either being the best missionaries in the mission or the worst. Apparently, a mediocre, well-meaning sister missionary is the exception, not the rule. Why do you think this is? What about our teaching results in only these 2 groups serving?
2. How do we keep a lesson from turning into a discussion on “girls are just as important”? – I dislike that attitude because it assumes men have a high standing and we should move perceptions of women so that they become exactly equivalent, rather than recognizing we are completely different yet equal. What about women missionaries is unique? Is serving a mission fulfilling what sis. Beck calls the female “half” of the work of the kingdom?
Much to think about.

By: jeans

jeans — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 21:10:22 +0000

Yes, Temple Square missionaries are all sisters, including the zone leaders and district leaders. That was one of the things that stuck with me after reading a profile of them in Ensign a couple of years ago.

By: queuno

queuno — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 03:01:57 +0000

(to target the YM)

I mean, “(to target the freshman men.)” Kind of the same thing.

By: queuno

queuno — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 03:00:52 +0000

Then he would make some derogatory remark about sister missionaries or would say that he would never date a returned missionary.

Ugh.

My second Sunday back at BYU post-mission, living in Heritage Halls (where the men are about 33% RM and 67% freshman, and almost all women are under 20), I had been asked to give a talk on preparing for a mission (to target the YM). [This was a very marriage-minded ward and girls were there to get married, in the opinion of the bishopric.] Suffice it to say that any RM in this ward was considered prime-target, Grade-A steak.

I thought that was a bit limited, so I expanded it to cover missionary preparation for all genders. I talked about how there had been many great sister missionaries on my mission. I talked about my dear friend who had just entered the MTC (she’s actually now my wife). I talked about how there are people that *only* sisters can reach. I talked about how the sister I’d known who’d served missions were spiritual giants, in my eyes.

And I closed by alluding to the oft-repeated refrain how girls were encouraged to marry returned missionaries, and how I would still recommend that advice, but then I offered my twist, that in my humble opinion, I could find no reason why I should not look for a returned sister missionary to marry.

My roommates told me that several faces fell, and that the bishop hadn’t very happy.

By: Tamary

Tamary — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 02:53:18 +0000

When I was at BYU in the late 80s/early 90s, I did see a little bit of a trend for sisters to go on missions “because all my friends are” or “because people will think I’m not spiritual if I don’t go.” I’m sure those weren’t their only reasons for going, but they were definitely strong factors. (I wasn’t planning on a mission, but had an experience much like Mel related, so I did go, and it changed my life in ways I needed.) When I heard the announcement about sisters not being obligated to serve missions, I assumed it was to address this trend and make sure sisters were serving for the right reasons.

Right now our ward has 7 missionaries out and 3 of them are sisters. But when I was serving in YW I didn’t hear much about missions. So the girls must be getting encouragement from other places.

My husband and I have encouraged all our children, boy or girl, to prepare as if they’re going to serve missions. Even if they don’t, the preparation itself will do them good. I liked the suggestions in the Young Woman’s Journal above, especially this: “The prospective missionary will also prepare herself by actively working in the church. The inspiration obtained through prayer and the knowledge gained from books become vitalized as they are transmuted into action.” Also the suggestion to observe the various auxiliaries and how they function — I would never have thought of that, but it’s a useful piece of advice!

By: hawkgrrrl

hawkgrrrl — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 22:25:37 +0000

I didn’t experience what Keri is describing, but if there is cultural pressure to marry young rather than going on a mission, that means that only the ones who feel a personal calling to go, or those with no marriage prospects will go. That’s a true shame. Some RMs might object to marrying someone who is strong in her own right (personal calling to go) rather than some cute young thing who has seen nothing and knows nothing that he can play hero, lord and master to. If so, that’s reprehensible.

By: Keri Brooks

Keri Brooks — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 15:42:59 +0000

queuno, maybe I was just surrounded by troglodytes. I knew several guys who would avoid me like the plague when they found out I had served a mission. It was like night and day. I had the following conversation on numerous occasions:
Some random guy at a fireside would chat me up, trying to get a date. After we had been talking for a while, he would tell a mission story. Then he would make some derogatory remark about sister missionaries or would say that he would never date a returned missionary. Then I would tell him that I had served a mission, and he would make a great escape.

I honestly have no idea what the deal is. Obviously, I was interesting enough to merit male attention before it was discovered that I served a mission, so I’m left to conclude that it was the mission that’s the turnoff. As I’ve gotten older, the percentage of single women my age who are RMs has increased, so the effect is declining. (Maybe the troglodytes have gone off and married the non-RMs by now.)

I hope that as more women serve missions, the dating effect will be lessened.

By: queuno

queuno — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 04:34:09 +0000

In our family, we aim to prepare our daughter just like we would prepare our sons. If she doesn’t end up serving, it wouldn’t have been for lack of exposure or preparation.

Keri – I’m curious as to how it was an impediment to dating. I can see where some troglodytes might have had an issue with a sister RMs, but an impediment? Explain.

By: Mariann

Mariann — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 19:59:58 +0000

Love the post. I agree with one of the comment-ers that the current manuals are out of date. That is one of the reason’s I think the church produces the Resource Guide for the manuals.

Regarding YW and missions, I think the person had it right when they said “every young woman should prayerfully consider serving”. I think that is the right way to handle it. I know a number of girls that did serve, a number that got married, and a few that didn’t serve. All of us prayed about our path in life and went as we directed. For me, that was finishing school instead of serving.

I do agree though that we should be mentioning serving missions more in YW. Thanks for the discussion, it kicked me in the tail to talk about missions more with my YW.

By: hawkgrrrl

hawkgrrrl — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 17:45:02 +0000

“Maybe our girls don’t serve because they see a missions and marriage as a false dichotomy–an either/or situation.” The fact that marriage would be discussed and or encouraged among teenage girls makes me extremely queasy. Having been a teenage girl, I know how silly and romantic and empty-headed they can be and downright boy crazy. Encouraging that nonsense is not going to help them make good choices they can live with for life.

Getting more young women to prepare for missions makes a ton of sense to me. My parents were converts to the church. Of their 7 children, 4 served missions (3 girls, 1 boy), and 3 did not. Those that did not serve have all experienced serious marital difficulties (divorce, infidelity, etc.) and have all been in and out of the church over the years. I know a mission is not a guarantee against divorce, but it has been a clear defense for marriage in our family (whether it was better spouse selection or better skills at dealing with relationship issues).

I also find it ironic that there are YW who would not consider marrying a non-RM who themselves would never consider serving a mission. That seems hypocritical to me.

Thanks Ardis, for this fascinating post!