The Relief Society didn’t often indulge in a funny page, but I found these jokes tucked into odd corners of the Magazine for 1932:
No Necessity for Language
“Does the baby talk yet?” asked a friend of the family of the little brother.
“Naw,” replied the little brother disgustedly. “He don’t need to talk. All he has ter do is yell, and he gits everything in the house worth having.”
A Strict Sense of Duty
The touring car had turned upside down, burying the motorist under it, but the village constable was not to be thus lightly turned from his duty. “It’s no use your hiding there,” he said severely, “I must have your name and address.”
“Where is Henry?” asked the neighbor of the lady whose husband he watned to see.
“I don’t know exactly,” said the wife; “If the ice is as thick as Henry thinks it is, he is skating; if it is as think as I think it is, he is swimming.”
A little boy had been punished by his mother one day, and that night at bedtime he prayed thus:
“Dear Lord, bless Papa and Sister Lucy and Brother Frank and Uncle Fred and Aunt Mary and make me a good boy. Amen.”
Then looking up into his mother’s face he said: “I suppose you noticed that you weren’t in it.”
Going to the blackboard the teacher wrote this sentence: “The horse and the cow was in the stable.”
“Now, children,” she said, “there is something wrong with that sentence. Who can correct it and tell why it is wrong?”
One small boy waved his hand excitedly and the teacher called upon him.
“It’s wrong,” he said with importance. “It ought to be, ‘the cow and the hrose was in the stable,’ because ladies always ought to go first.”
A Protracted Service
They must have long church services in a certain Western town where a paper announced of a certain church: “The regular services will commence next Sunday at 3 P.M., and continue until further notice.”
They Were Speedy
Mrs. Todd went into a store to buy some spring ginghams. “Are these colors fast?” she asked the clerk.
“Yes indeed,” he replied earnestly; “you ought to see them when once they start to run.”
How It Was Accounted For
“How does it happen,” said the teacher to the new pupil, “that your name is Allen and your mother’s name is Brown?”
“Well,” explained the small boy, after a moment’s thought, “you see, she married again and I didn’t.”
At a movie the other day a picture was shown entitled: “As God Made it.” Immediately following the projection of the title on the screen came the flash: “Approved by the Ohio Board of Censors.”
A Surprise for the Teacher
“This class comprehends the meaning of words very quickly,” said the Boston teacher to her visitors. “You noticed we spoke of the word ‘ransom’ a few minutes ago. How many” – turning to the children – “can think of a sentence containing the word ‘ransom’? Every one. Yes, Harold?”
Harold arose proudly.
“My sister’s beau ran some when Pa — ”
And then the children wondered why the class was dismissed three minutes early.